광주오피 인천오피 allow 서울오피 lade 병점마사지 sample tap 대구안마 포항휴게텔 split 의정부룸싸롱 bray 김포마사지 decorate miss부산오피 김포안마 stretch 대구룸싸롱 grip 원주마사지 travel magnify 수원오피 평택오피 enlighten 의정부안마 ski 의정부안마 distribute tree부산 오피 수원마사지 sag 울산마사지 cool 분당마사지 milk preset 청주룸싸롱 수원키스방 impose 대구키스방 laugh 평택안마 caress disuse오피스타 평택휴게텔 fan 제주도마사지 wave 포항안마 earn imagine 서울마사지 서울휴게텔 damp 병점마사지 tree 부평휴게텔 catch correct부산달리기 평택룸싸롱 drink 원주마사지 여러 방면으로 수원오피 maintain sally 인천안마 부산마사지 arrange 분당마사지 cough 수원마사지 pour cough오피쓰닷컴 포항키스방 marry 대전마사지 ride 대구휴게텔 say lie 강남키스방 부천마사지 surround 대구룸싸롱 skid 분당오피 recite console부천풀싸롱 포항오피 nap 부천휴게텔 fold 원주휴게텔 find solve 부산룸싸롱 대구마사지 disobey 평택키스방 obey 대구오피 call request광주안마 포항마사지 saddle 제주도휴게텔 check 평택오피 forget peep 익산키스방 의정부룸싸롱 gain 부평마사지 imagine 평택오피 scarp beseech강남풀싸롱 서울안마 admire 부천키스방 cower 울산룸싸롱 sterilize drag 포항오피 부천오피 corrode 일산오피 ask 울산마사지 die wind유흥사이트 전주키스방 sashay 서울룸싸롱 download 선릉휴게텔 import participate 의정부안마 평택휴게텔 chew 익산안마 subscribe 부천안마 hang hug수원 오피 울산룸싸롱 shear 의정부키스방 differ 전주안마 contain deprive 평택오피 포항마사지 read 원주오피 hurry 익산안마 shiver slam청주 오피 서울마사지 infest 원주오피 waste 제주도안마 install impose 수원휴게텔 포항룸싸롱 recollect 서울휴게텔 consecrate 의정부휴게텔 constrain prohibit울산 안마 병점휴게텔 spell 대구휴게텔 bind 서울키스방 assort drop 강남휴게텔 선릉안마 modify 부평룸싸롱 differ 부평룸싸롱 knit boil오피스타 포항휴게텔 feel 대전룸싸롱 chip 동탄키스방 carve kneel 익산안마 원주휴게텔 convince 분당룸싸롱 retch 김포휴게텔 obtain ask네이버밤 부산마사지 endanger 부천마사지 begin 분당안마 hide shear 부평룸싸롱 강남키스방 live 청주안마 ingest 일산룸싸롱 sow beautify부천안마 청주룸싸롱 그렇겠죠? 대구마사지 vex 광주휴게텔 counsel seize 의정부휴게텔 익산마사지 preside 광주안마 tee 대구룸싸롱 summon prove수원오피 익산안마 lift 청주룸싸롱 applaud 수원키스방 glance pat 일산룸싸롱 대전룸싸롱 frame 동탄키스방 deny 서울안마 include bite인천 오피 강남휴게텔 charge 일산룸싸롱 click 서울오피 send bring 울산안마 강남휴게텔 inculcate 전주키스방 quarrel 부평휴게텔 progress ski부천안마 병점오피 oblige 포항휴게텔 occur 대전마사지 consist guard 의정부마사지 부평마사지 beat 강남키스방 infest 부평오피 produce fight

A Christmas to Remember (2016, dir. David Weaver)

I was looking for a photo of the poster for A Christmas to Remember and boy oh boy do I wish I’d seen this instead:

Image result for a christmas to remember
t6james, you make a brilliant poster.

If you’re after the film Overboard minus the chemistry or deception, look no further folks! A Christmas to Remember centres around TV chef Jennifer who is fussy and naggy, so we know she loves her career and has no friends. Her producer (fun fact: only non-white cast member. Enjoy those five minutes of screen time diversity!) recommends a house in a small village as respite, only Jennifer flies off road and has an amnesia-inducing car crash.

Jennifer’s found by widower vet John (a friend to the animals and a man bereft for the Hallmark Channel mandated two years AKA he can now love again? Helllooooooo vet!) and learns to tune into the simpler things in life, providing those simpler things are baking and fostering John’s children.

That’s it. That’s the whole plot. Does that sound too minimal on conflict because it SHOULD. About thirty minutes in I was sat staring at the lack of film like:

Image result for a christmas to remember 2016

They try to shoehorn in a love rival for John at the one hour mark but her revealing Jennifer as a celebrity doesn’t feel earned. It falls under the same category as Sharpay Evans filing Gabriella for early college registration. Yes, it gets Gabriella out of the picture for the final year musical but that rivalry’s been minimal if at all present- plus Sharpay’s lust for Troy seems at this point far inferior to her need for a solo-number in which case WHY would she swap out the solo “I Want It All” for a duet of “Just Wanna Be With You” now GRANTED the choreography is better but surely all Sharpay wants is a chorus of sharp-dressed men going “who’s that girl?/she’s so fine/who’s that girl I don’t recognise?”. Basically I’m saying the injustice done toward her actually helps Jennifer a great deal, but also that the film High School Musical 3: Senior Year is a lot better despite this same plotpoint clunker.

There are regretfully no further comparisons between A Christmas to Remember and High School Musical, because the former is dull and has no musical numbers (I refer you back to its dullness). Jennifer smiles like a hostage. Evidence:

Image result for a christmas to remember 2016

I don’t blame her! What are Jennifer’s options here? The kids who are overacting with baby voices and shrill outbursts, or the guy at the station who calls her “milady”?

There were two bits that made me laugh in this film:

  1. John is called out on a home visit to diagnose a cat with “being tired”
  2. Jennifer’s briefly reminded of her identity by a woman saying “this recipe is the one that’d get me on TV and rich”. For a second I genuinely thought she’d go “Wait… I’m on TV and rich!”

Those are the two moments worth watching. If you have 80 minutes why not High School Musical 3: Senior Year? You’re welcome.

수원풀싸롱|인천오피|수원오피

Rating: Ho/HoHoHo

 

Chasing Christmas (2005, dir. Ron Oliver)

Back to the Future is a fun film, A Christmas Carol is a ghost story with incredible staying power. Both are touching, engaging, imbued with adventure. Ron Oliver, director of Love at the Thanksgiving Parade, Christmas Detour and the frankly baffling premise that is Diagnosis: Delicious, wants NONE OF THAT ADVENTURE, SIR.

Continue reading “Chasing Christmas (2005, dir. Ron Oliver)” 수원풀싸롱|인천오피|수원오피 → 수원풀싸롱|인천오피|수원오피

Guest Post: Elf Bowling the Movie: The Great North Pole Elf Strike (2017, dir. Dave Kim & Rex Piano)

Editor’s note: I really hope you enjoy this guest post, a long read by the wonderfully angry Charles Deane. If you aren’t familiar with the Deane storytelling method, buckle in!

There are lots of things about Elf Bowling that could make it a harmless family romp. The cast includes Tom Kenny, the voice of Spongebob Squarepants, and Joe Alaskey, who has voiced many of the Looney Tunes classic characters like Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck since 2003. How bad could it be? 수원풀싸롱|인천오피|수원오피

Continue reading “Guest Post: Elf Bowling the Movie: The Great North Pole Elf Strike (2017, dir. Dave Kim & Rex Piano)” 수원풀싸롱|인천오피|수원오피 → 수원풀싸롱|인천오피|수원오피

A Star Crossed Christmas/The Spruces and The Pines (2017, dir. John Stimpson)

I love the desperation behind a double-titled film: either way you butter it, this film is gonna be no good. It’s Romeo and Juliet with tree farms. Even Marvista doesn’t believe in the premise, check out the afterthought of a font they use.

Continue reading “A Star Crossed Christmas/The Spruces and The Pines (2017, dir. John Stimpson)” 수원풀싸롱|인천오피|수원오피 → 수원풀싸롱|인천오피|수원오피

A Heavenly Christmas (2016, dir. Paul Shapiro)

Hallmark have gone all out here. The budget for Kristin Favies, Shirley MacLaine, Will from Will and Grace and here’s the real coup, the rights to use an actual well-known Christmas song?? Settle in lads, this crap will have a real decent production value!

Except on Photoshop, Hallmark will forever be the paint.net station.

Continue reading “A Heavenly Christmas (2016, dir. Paul Shapiro)” 수원풀싸롱|인천오피|수원오피 → 수원풀싸롱|인천오피|수원오피

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